I got this via email.  I am not one to forward email to everyone I know so I figured I would post it here.  I love college football.  Its only 5 days away!

Stadium Size:

NORTH:  College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

SOUTH:  High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Campus Decor:

NORTH:  Statues of founding fathers.

SOUTH:  Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen:

NORTH:  Also a physics major.

SOUTH:  Also Miss America..


NORTH:  If you are slightly coordinated, you make the varsity squad.

SOUTH:  You begin cheer camp at age two, complete with ballet, dance, & gymnastic training.

Getting Tickets:

NORTH:  5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.

SOUTH:  5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus & put name on the waiting list.

Women's Accessories:

NORTH:  ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.

SOUTH:  Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of Jack Daniels/Crown. Money is not necessary -- That's what dates are for.

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:

NORTH:  Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, Because they have classes on Friday.

SOUTH:  Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see The few hung-over students that might actually make it to class and throw up on their floor.


NORTH:  An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.

SOUTH:  RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for The weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day:

NORTH:  A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.

SOUTH:  Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera  and wave to the folks up north.


NORTH:  Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.

SOUTH:  30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium:

NORTH:  You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.

SOUTH:  When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.


NORTH:  Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.

SOUTH:  Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for Jack Daniels/Crown.

When National Anthem is Played:

NORTH:  Stands are still less than half full.

SOUTH:  100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

Smell in the Air After the First Score:

NORTH:  Nothing changes.

SOUTH:  Fireworks, with a touch of Jack Daniels/Crown.

Commentary (Male):

NORTH:  "Nice play."

SOUTH:  "*#@&@, you slow *&%$@#! - tackle him and break his legs."

Commentary (Female):

NORTH:  "My, this certainly is a violent sport."

SOUTH:  "*#@&@, you slow *&%$@#! - tackle him and break his legs."


NORTH:  Neutral and paid.

SOUTH:  Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the Game:

NORTH:  The stadium is emptying out.

SOUTH:  Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker while somebody goes to The nearest package store for more bourbon. Planning begins for next week's game.